Hamboni speaks

Greetings and salutations to all you terrestrial bound mortals. The magnificent and handsome Hamboni has once again wandered from the ancient bigfoot SCSI hard drive used as a door stop at the Saltillo Beach House. During my recent period of enlightenment many wonderful earthbound things have been discovered and my glimpse into the future shall be revealed - right now - they are listed below, you smellers of camels' fumes - yes below - arrgghhh! mortals!

1. In the very near future Apple computer will gain a 3.1426% market share with the introduction of the new mini-mac. When users discover that the necessary memory upgrade will use regular PC memory and not just the orchard variety, sales will skyrocket and Steviepoo Jobs will hang himself in an avacado orchard just outside San Diego. The flies will be turned off. Buzzards will commit suicide.

2. Hillary Clinton, aka Hildabeast, will be found in a compromising position at a Holiday Express just outside Buffalo, New York. It will be discovered she is one of those sickos that dyes her pet Yorkshire Terriers different shades of Taupe and Mauve. Wi-fi broadcast of pixs over the Yahoo Messenger will be her downfall.

3. Mofat Nugent will create a new dirty bomb, literally. It will consist of a low impact explosive and massive smells of skunk musk mixed with camel dung. He has begun testing in certain regions. Some areas of Memphis, Tn., you just don't want to visit right now.

4. Nobel prize winners will reveal that Taupe and Mauve are real colors and not just some hoax created by a collaboration of dog hair dyers and interior decorators. They still won't release vital info on the particular part of the color spectrum where these two mysteries reside.

5. Elvis impersonator soldier of fortune paratroopers (please mortal ones, don't repeat this phrase too quickly) will raid the state of Massachusetts under the cover of bright sunlight and kick Ted Kennedy's fat ass off a bridge then educate the masses of the state that they are under the influence of drugs that Kennedy and his people have been introducing into the water supply for years. What else would make them vote for his lardbutt? The Hildabeast will protest.

6. After much research it will be discovered that since the Celeron CPU was introduced several years ago, all sanctioned races between vegetables have been won by celery.

7. The Hildabeast will announce her intentions to run for President. Her campaign slogan will be, "Get R Done!" Her theme song will be Fleetwood Mac's, "Never Break the Chain."

8. Larry the Cable Guy will be made a national hero for Hildabeast hunting!

May the bird of opportunity nest in your bouffant hairdo. This is Hamboni saying Peace Out!

"Please forgive us Slashdot, Neal Boortz, Larry the Cable Guy and vegetables everywhere."
-Dock