1. In the near future a lost tribe of cannibals residing in Arkansas will attack a promo tour bus of Apple high muckity mucks that has stopped on the side of the road to admire an orchard. Steve Jobs will be devoured just outside Black Oak, Arkansas, as onlookers play Spider Solitaire on their Windows XP laptops. They (the cannibals) will be rendered harmless due to indigestion. After capture they will be released and awarded medals for their good work in cleaning up roadside trash.
2. In the near future a mad terrorist from a little known Arab country named Iroot will crash a DC3 stolen from the Confederate Air Force into Brian Roberts swimming pool during a pool party for the high mucksters at COMCAST. Brian's last words before he jumps into the pool will be, "last one in the pool is a TechTV lover!" All will be lost.
3. In the near future hackers worldwide will unite and shut down all COMCAST web sites and power grids forcing all their subscribers to switch to satellite. Charlie Ergan will be elected President immediately thereafter running as a Frisbeeite. He will dissolve Congress and replace it with a weekly meeting teleconferenced from the White House called Charlie Chat.
4. In the near future mysterious forces will arise out of the south that will topple all members of the RIAA, ACLU and various entities residing in Hollywood. The forces will be named "Decency" and "Moral Dignity" and their main goal will be to stop Nazism forever. Mr. Susan Sarandon will cry like a sissy boy as they lead him to the guillotine.
5. In the near future Dock will stop celebrating birthdays and quietly pass May the 10th as just another day.
The magnificent Hamboni speaks. The magnificent Hamboni rests. Salaam ben dover and joys of parting with all terrestrials. I return to my Seagate huge height SCSI hard drive...
"Don't rub that doorstop!"
-Billy Wobblynife
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